By Yebaw Day

1 August 2008 London –  Burma Digest has learned that an unidentified Western power is developing a new E-Bomb which is specifically designed for the dictator of Burma, Than Shwe, living in his opulent palace in the jungle capital of  Naypyidaw. The beauty of this bomb is that the materials can be easily purchased in any hardware store, and the effect of the explosion is mainly psychological, very appropriate for a general who specialized in psy-op warfare against his own people for decades.

 (Ee in Burmese can be roughly translated as sh*t)

 The E Bomb  weighs at least 50 lb., depending on the type of manufacturing company, and when dropped from a height of 3,000 feet will yield  50×3000x32 ft.lb  (mass x gravity x height )  = 4,800,000 ft.lb.  of potential energy which is equivalent to the destructive power of a small bomb.  To add insult to injury, the said E-BOMB is to be filled full of E, an additional 10 to 20 lb. weight.  The damage will have a psychologically devastating effect upon Than Shwe when he finds huge holes in his palace roof with filthy, smelly  E splattered all over it.

It will be poetic justice for the dictator to be iNUNdated (English-to-Burmese pun IS intended) i. e. –  forced to smell rotten, horrible E, because his refusal to help Cyclone victims compelled them to live amongst the putrid remains of thousands of dead victims littered throughout the Delta Region.   Especially because Western E, made from a variety of food sources with a high content of meat, is extremely odiferous, much more so than Burmese E, which is less offensive because people are reduced to eating home-grown vegetables and whatever herbs, roots, and plants that can be gathered from the countryside.

Imagine the traumatic effect of the entire capital splattered with horrificous Western E and shattered remains of toilet seats by the thousands raining down, each of them yielding 4.8 million foot-pounds explosions.

This bomb is being developed by Western forces in the aftermath of Cyclone Nargis when the combined naval ships of UK, US, and France waited 12 miles offshore for permission to land and distribute tons of humanitarian aid.  Top US  Commander of the Asian-Pacific Fleet, Admiral Keating, personally came to Rangoon to plead with the Burmese junta for permission but his ass-kissing came to naught as he was turned down flat.

The Western fleet, after wasting an entire month steaming around off-shore, departed for missions elsewhere.  Many of the sailors and marines on board saw Internet photographs of the victims —  all within ONLY a few minutes flight from their ships’ helicopters — and many of them felt anguished not being allowed to help them.

Burma Digest has learned that at least one of the Western Powers has decided that the next time there is a natural disaster (seismic readings, astrological calculations, and seers have forecast a major earthquake in the Naypyidaw area) Than Shwe will be forced to kiss  Western ass (ass seen in the photograph of the pilot) and he will be served a taste of his own medicine as the E-Bombs by the thousands drop on his beloved capital.

Beijing and Moscow, true to form, have both quietly issued threats to the West  that should the E Bombs ever be dropped on their Burma colony, they will retaliate by manufacturing their own E Bombs.  However, the two neo-fascist governments fail to understand that there will be no moral basis for them to justify their actions, unlike the West, which has Full Justification in the light (and smell) of all the BS it has received from the Burmese Junta.

According to intelligence reports leaked by friendly allies, this  will be the initial attack wave of Operation R2P (Responsibility To Protect) followed by the landing of ships and aircraft to distribute urgently-needed food and medical supplies.

Than Shwe has a superstition according to a military attache who defected in Washington DC  (somewhat like the Aztec King Montezuma) that when white men in military uniforms land in Burma (for whatever reason), his regime is doomed.  Thus, by self-fulfilling prophecy, he and his generals will be wrought into panic while his soldiers will defect by the tens of thousands. The E Bomb will provoke mental shock and awe; the landings of Western forces will deliver the rest of the psychological impact, and the rest of the nation will rise up in revolt.

This drastic plan has been formulated because  of the Burmese Junta’s behavior after Cyclone Nargis where it refused to allow international aid to be freely distributed by the donor countries’s teams, persistently denied and restricted entry visas, resulting in the needless deaths of at least 100,000 if not more in addition to those who died in the Cyclone.

It permitted tons of aid to be delivered to the main airport, only to be seized and distributed amongst its own officers.  Reports describe some of the  international aid packets being relabeled “gift of General so-and-so” as if it was the Junta actually providing it.   There was at least one incident of the son of a General landing in hospital from eating too much of the aid food, getting a stomach ache which was unfortunately nonfatal.  Many reports cite that the aid got sold in the blackmarket by officers making a profit, some even taken all the way to the Chinese border.

In addition, the Junta has insisted all foreign aid money be first converted into its official FEC (Foreign Exchange Certificate) and then reconverted into Burmese kyats.  This means instead of US $1 yielding 1,100 kyats, it will only yield 800 kyats, with the difference of 300 kyats going to the Junta.  The Junta sees nothing wrong with this and, on the contrary,  thinks it is a great improvement because previously, their official rate was only 6 kyats to the dollar which means that under those rates, the government would have kept 1,094 kyats out of every donated dollar.

People of Burma are fervently praying for the prediction of a respected Abbot Monk to come true as the first two out of three already has turned out correct:

Mandalay will be a pile of ashes  [pyar pon]
Rangoon will be a pile of trash(es) [a hmaik pon]
Naypyidaw will be a pile of bones [a yoh pon]

Burma Digest has learned that international seismic reports describe of a major earthquake fault lines between the India tectonic plate and the Burma plate which has in 2004 led to the Tsunami Disaster in the southern end of this fault line, west of Sumatra.  This year, March 2008, the northern edges of this fault line in Sichuan Province of southwest China suffered the effects of a tremendous earthquake.  Thus, it is only logical to presume that sooner, not later, there will be another quake along this fault line, preferably prayed for by 50 million people in Burma, to center in the Naypyidaw.  This will justify Operation R2P by sympathetic nations.