STOP PRESS:

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Mr. Jay Leno throwing up his hands as he surrenders to the Goverment Agents of ARMYrica

“American Comedian Jay Leno Arrested by FBI and US Army MI & Tortured in Prison !”
_ by Yebaw Day, Burma Digest Reporter via Rocket Express in Washington DC.

Today, it is learned that the famous TV comedian Jay Leno’s home was raided by Military Intelligence agents and agents from the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the following items were seized: 

  1. DVD of dead bodies from  Hurricane Katrina
  2. DVD of Fahrenheit 1000 Degrees, an anti-Bush movie by some Fat Director.
  3. $1,000 cash collected from sympathetic donors across the US for Hurricane victims
  4. Recording of interview from  Jay Leno to AlJazeera reporter, criticizing Bush for his mishandling of Hurricane Katrina disaster.
  5. Bags of food and medicine for Hurricane victims
  6. DVD of Pres.Bush’s daughter Jenna’s recent wedding
  7. Photographic Evidence of Jay Leno’s trip to New Orleans where he handed out food to Katrina victims.

Mr. Leno is presently being tortured and interrogated to find out the names of those kind-hearted people, hundreds of them,  who donated all that money in 50 cents or 1 dollar bills,  for the victims of Katrina who will all be arrested and interrogated in the same way. 

Under the Laws of the United States of ARMYrica and under the US Army Regulations, Mr. Leno will be indicted with having violated at least a dozen laws, if not more, and will most likely be imprisoned again, this being his fourth or fifth or sixth time, nobody is sure as everyone has lost count. 

Each of the items above, possession of the abovementioned DVD’s, collecting money for hurricane victims, donating food without official permission, giving interviews to foreign reporters, visiting hurricane-damaged areas without official permission, possession of an anti-government movie, possession of the President’s daughter’s wedding movie, videos of dead bodies in Katrina are all extremely serious crimes in the US of ARMYrica and constitute a severe breach of national security.  Mr. Leno will also be charged with national treason and conspiracy to overthrow the illegally installed, coup-detated ARMYrican Government.

Each of the 400 other movie stars, actors, actresses,  singers, musicians, artists, sculptors, movie set workers, theater workers, staff members, directors, script workers who were inspired by Mr. Leno to help distribute food to the victims in New Orleans will also be arrested and imprisoned shortly.  It is learned that this is to preserve law and order, and to promote peace and development in the US of Armyrica and to remove all thorns, stumps, and obstacles that stand in the roadmap of democracy. 

It is also learned that the Chinese president, Who is he? and Chinese premier, When is he, and the Russian premier, rasPutin, a.w.a. Sputum tuberculosis, have all congratulated Pres. Bush for the capture of this notorious comedian Jay Leno and for stopping his treacherous, traitorous works which are a direct threat to their lucrative business ventures inside Armyrica.

It is learned that people all over America will not believe the above story; hundreds of  Americans have landed in hospital ER’s   for abdominal pains from laughing hysterically out of control.  They all believe that this is just a publicity stunt dreamed up by Mr. Jay Leno. 

Mr. Leno, meanwhile, it is learned, is said to be suffering painfully  in jail and no doctor has been allowed to see him, nor his family, nor friends. No lawyer either.  However, no one in America believes this either, and think it is just another publicity ploy to help boost the TV ratings for him. 

. . . . .

STOP PRESS a second time !

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Zarganar (second left) hands over a cash donation to residents of a cyclone-hit community in the Irrawaddy delta. His team of volunteers also brought several sacks of rice to feed hungry survivors. (Photo: Moemaka)

Burmese Comedian Zarganar Arrested by Special Branch of Investigation and  Burma Army MI & Tortured in Prison !
_ by Yebaw Day, Burma Digest Reporter via Rocket Express in Rangoon, Burma. 
 
Yesterday, it is learned that the famous stage show, radio, and  TV comedian Zarganar’s home in Sanchaung, Rangoon,  was raided by Military Intelligence agents and agents from the Special Branch of Investigation and the following items were seized:

  1. 1. DVD of dead bodies from Cyclone Nargis which is banned throughout Burma. 
  2. DVD of the latest RAMBO, an anti-SPDC movie by The Great Mr. Stallone which is also banned throughout Burma, possession of which means 3 yr in prison. 
  3. 1 million kyats (about $1,000 cash) collected from sympathetic donors across Burma for cyclone victims in notes of 500 and 1,000 kyats  (the price of 2 meals) from each person.
  4. Recording of interview by Zarganar to a foreign reporter, criticizing Than Shwe for his mishandling of Cyclone Nargis disaster.
  5. Bags of rice and medicine for Cyclone victims.
  6. DVD of Than Shwe’s daughter Thandar Shwe’s wedding with $50million presents
  7. Photographic Evidence of Zarganar’s trip to the Delta where he handed out food to Nargis victims.

He  is presently being tortured and interrogated to find out the names of those kind-hearted people, hundreds of them,  who donated all that money for the victims of Nargis who will all be arrested and interrogated in the same way. 

Under the Laws of the Army RUM (Republic of Myanmar)  and under the whimsical, draconian  Burma Army Regulations, Dr. Zarganar will be indicted with having violated at least a dozen laws, if not more, and will most likely be imprisoned again, this being his fourth or fifth or sixth time, nobody is sure as everyone has lost count. 

Each of the items above, possession of the abovementioned DVD’s, collecting money for Cyclone victims, donating food without official permission, giving interviews to foreign reporters, visiting Cyclone-damaged areas without official permission, possession of The Number ONe TOP  anti-government movie, possession of the General’s daughter’s wedding movie, videos of dead bodies in Nargis are all extremely serious crimes in the Army RUM  and constitute a severe breach of national security.  Dr. Zarganar  will also be charged with national treason and conspiracy to overthrow the illegally installed, coup-detated ARMY Government of R.U.M. 

Each of the 400 other movie stars, actors, actresses,  singers, musicians, artists, sculptors, movie set workers, theater workers, staff members, directors, script workers who were inspired by Dr. Zarganar  to help distribute food to the victims in the Delta Region will also be arrested and imprisoned shortly.  It is learned that this is to preserve law and order in the Army RUM,  Army Republic of Myanmar,   and to remove all thorns, stumps, and obstacles that stand in the roadmap of democracy. 

It is learned that people all over Burma, and all Burma expatriates around the world are worried about the welfare of Dr. Zarganar. They all believe that Dr. Zarganar might not survive this time in jail, just like how the Student Activist Leader Min Ko Naing is almost going blind for lack of proper medical care in prison. 

The foreign friends of the Burma expatriates are all puzzled as to why their Burma friends are so worried about such an event and are trying their best to persuade them their  beliefs cannot be true and that this whole story is just some miscommunication or exaggeration. These foreign friends think the whole thing is too crazy to be true. 

However, the ones from China, Russia, Thailand know this is true, but  dismiss the entire story as some minor affair not worth bothering about except for the part where their national leaders thank Than Shwe for his excellent job of apprehending Zarganar whom they regard as a dangerous criminal who could destroy all the valuable precious business enterprises of China, Russia, and Thailand inside Burma. 

Dr. Zarganar, meanwhile, it is learned, he is suffering painfully  in jail and no doctor has been allowed to see him, nor his family, nor friends. No lawyer either. 

All decent people around the world are requested to pray for his safety and to join a global campaign to protest against SPDC and free him, free DASSK, other prisoners, and to stop the Uncivil War against all Ethnic Groups along the Frontier Regions. 

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8 months ago: Myanmar comedian Zarganar, who uses only one name, is seen joining the street protest Monday, Sept. 24, 2007 in Yangon, Myanmar. Zarganar was taken away from his home by authorities shortly after midnight Wednesday, with family members saying authorities told them the 45-year-old had been “called in for temporary questioning.” The fates of the actor and another Myanmar poet, Aung Way, were not immediately known.

One Response to “Jay Leno & Zarganar (Satire)”

  • #1 Soe Min Says:

    I hope that readers from the West will not assume that both stories are false, just nonsense satire. The author seems to have put in an absurd story (Jay Leno) alongside a true story (Zarganar) to highlight the absurdity of the situation.
    He forgot to mention that possession of the wedding of Than Shwe’s daughter is also a crime punishable by 3 yr prison which is the minimum these days.

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