by David Law and Ko Nyi Htwe

Preamble Note.

In Burmese, the military word, General, is called Bo Gyoke, which is pronounced Bo as in the beautiful Bo Derek, Gyoke as in the English word, joke. Since silly antics of the Burmese Bogyokes are laughable beyond compare,

—such as insisting upon moving an entire capitol on the 11 minute of the 11 hour of the 11 day of the 11 month to a jungle hideout simply on the advice of an astrologer,

—or the wedding of one’s own 70 year-old wife (without divorcing her) to a 35 year-old gigolo stud actor and then coming along for the honeymoon, (General Than Shwe actually did this)

—and countless other funny, and funnier-still stories, it is only mete and proper that the Burmese word for Bo Gyoke be spelled as Bo Joke.

Dear Readers,

We will be presenting to you in the weeks that follow — a series of Practical Jokes on our “Beloved” Burma Bo Jokes, our beloved Burmese Generals, in which we invite you to send in Your Own Ideas for which we shall credit you with authorship. Below we describe to you some tentative ideas which we will present week after week. If, however, we receive from you, our Readers, a good idea, then we shall give credence to you first and then later on resume our Series. Below now is the first of our Bo Joke Series.

No. 1: Panty Power for the Phone Naint Downfall of the Generals”

Behold, the overwhelming power of women over that of men whose minds are overblown with self-important arrogance. Men who think they are emperors with royal naypyidaw capitols and kingly titles and regalia. The higher they are, the lower they fall. Ergo, whenever these high and mighty kings meet with the garment of women, they will fall, for such is their belief.

Attached are a few samples of panties. Since it is too much to ask for poses in underwear, we would like to encourage our lady readers to submit photographs of themselves at the beach wearing bikinis adorned with Burma Bo Jokes faces. This might set off a fashion trend. At the very least, it will give women across the world a Forum to address Womens’ Rights. Protesting against the Burma Bo Jokes’ horrendous brutality against Aung San Suu Kyi and other women of Burma is a way to protest against the universal brutality against women around the world, because you cannot get more brutal than the Burmese Bo Jokes.

So we would like to ask our the ladies among our readers to iron pictures of the Bo Jokes on to their bikinis using photo T shirt transfer paper, and to wear them in public such as the swimming pool, lakes, rivers, and sea beaches.

In doing so, you are damning the Burma Bo Jokes and saving the Women of Burma, and at the same time, you are also standing up for Womens’ Rights all over the World.

Next,

we shall follow up with Burma Bo Joke Series No. 2: Peace (Piss) Mats, where Than Shwe’s mug and other generals’ mugs will be transfixed on to those plastic mats that you see lining the drainage hole in public urinals.

I am just copy-catting an idea after 9-11 when very creative fellow Americans printed the mugs of Osama Ben Laden on to plastic mats. I personally saw such a mat in a public urinal and urinated upon it with great satisfaction. After I make a Burma Bo Joke urinal pad, I shall have even much greater satisfaction, in fact so great that I should restrain myself from further describing the climactic heights of satisfaction to be attained from this creation.

[Remember -- if you, the Reader, come up with a Great Idea, we will credit you with the next article in the Burma Bo Joke Series and then resume our regular series]

Then,

We will send you the Burma Bo Joke Series No. 3. :

SPDC Toilet Paper where the generals no. 1,2, and 3’s mugs will be affixed to chee kone sekkoo (toilet paper) to be used twice: crushed and wiped on the arse once in the toilet and discarded in the trash can////and then secondly, burned in front of Burmese Embassies throughout the world with disgust and abhorrence as befits shit paper and SPDC generals’ countenances.

Toilet paper with Osama Ben Laden has been manufactured already, but this is only used as ordinary toilet paper to be flushed down the drain.

Our brand of toilet paper has to be crushed with great satisfaction in the hand, to CRUSH the mealy-mouthed, pug-faced, greasy jowls of the Burma Bo Joke, crush it again and again like all Burmese waste paper that is used in the toilet, and then wipe the arse with it, and discard into a nearby trash can. Ordinarily, the can is simply thrown away with other garbage, but this being Bo Joke toilet paper, it should be saved for burning in front of Burmese Embassies during demonstrations as a true expression of disgust.

My intentions are truly honorable and TACTICAL. If you burn a flag or an effigy or portrait, it will last only a short time. If you burn baskets and baskets of crushed balls of shit-paper,

the gesture of protest will last for a long, long time.

Just do it when the wind is blowing in the right direction and put out the fire if the wind changes direction towards yourselves. This way you are also embodying the principles of Chemical Warfare as well, not just Political Warfare and Political Demonstrations.

Later,

There will be a Burma Bo Joke Series No. 4.

Target Practice with throwing darts at a dart board lovingly adorned with bo zoak faces, Nos. 1, 2 and 3, instead of the usual numbered scores. Of course, you could also use Archery targets, rifle targets, and jinglee targets. (shit-poison-tipped darts shot by catapults a` la 1988 August 8 Era)

Perhaps,

we could use bananas with condoms, or sausages with condoms rolled upon them, and have the condoms attached with the faces of the SPDC generals.

The method is simple. Just attach pictures of the generals on to sticky labels and stick them on to condoms. The concept is not practicality, but merely symbolism that the condom have the virtual ability to SINK the generals’ visages into the vaginal hell they so fear and abhor and hence the females will finally have their revenge.

“Take that, and that, and that, and that, General. Hah ! ”

And Then,

there could be WELCOME mats that have been surgically modified. (i.e., use surgical blades or box cutter blades) to cut rectangles and then place the pics of the generals in them, with the pics already laminated with plastic heavily so that the heavy footsteps treading on the mat will not wipe out and obscure the lovely countenances of the SPDC generals. It is recommended that you use rubber mats with raised rubber protuberances that can be easily trimmed into the said rectangular spots which will then be adorned with the photographs.

Of course,

the ladies should also come back into focus: we could have menstrual pads with Than Shwe’s mug pasted on them, as well as Tampax plastic handles adorned with mini pictures of the generals. Or Tampax inserts with the out-hanging strings affixed to mini pictures of the same, so that it is easy to locate and grab the tampon strings and pull them out.

If you, our Esteemed Reader, feel disgusted at our poor taste, I beg for you to consider what

HORRIFIC poor taste the Bo Jokes have in their horrendous treatment of the monks and ordinary people in the recent months. The Bo Jokes deserve all that they get AND MORE.

Therefore, I beg your pardon and bear with us as we think of the most creative ways to degrade the phone dagoh power of the Bo Jokes.

[to be continued in the Bo Joke Series No. 2. Remember, You, the Reader, will be credited with Series No. 2 if you submit a Great Idea]

Footnote: Phone dagoh is the concept of masculine power. (phone is pronounced like the English word, phone, except the lips are closed, so instead of an F sound, it is more like a soft P sound, the hpa woot htoak sound vis-a-vis the Pa-Zauk sound where the P is hard, almost like a B but not quite as hard. Dagoh is pronounced like the English word, the goal, without the ending L consonant. In effect, you are saying, “the go” .

Men are thought to have a form of mystical power which has to be maintained at all costs or else they will become weak and worthless. Men like the Burma Bo Jokes especially believe that they have very high and powerful phone dagoh which has placed them in positions of national power and leadership and hence they are very much afraid of losing their high and mighty positions.

There are many ways of losing phone dagoh. The Nga Moh Yeik Prince was said to have lost his phone dagoh and died during his routine river crossings to meet his lover when she insisted on sleeping upon his arm. As long as she slept beside him, he was okay, but one day, as per legend, she wanted to sleep on his arm. He protested he would lose his powers, but she insisted, and he gave in, lost his powers, and then when he returned across the Nga Moh Yeik River riding in the jaws of the crocodile (yes, in this fantastic story, his chauffeur was a croc, a bunch of crock you might say, and his vehicle was the mouth of the croc) he drowned because a rival crocodile attempted to attack the Nga Moh Yeik crocodile. In the desperate melee that ensued, the poor croc could not attack back as he had his jaws occupied by the body of the prince and so he had to swim deep underwater to escape, thus drowning the young man.

Other ways of losing phone dagoh are knowingly or unknowingly going under a clothesline of women’s laundry drying in the sun. This gets to be so extreme that sensitive (aka superstitious men will not just avoid clotheslines but also bamboo poles as such poles are often used in place of clotheslines, and such men will avoid at all costs crossing even a clotheslines or bamboo poles from where all clothes have been retrieved.

So you could display a length of cord or a pole that has never been used, but the superstitious man will avoid going under it for fear that it might have had female clothes hanging upon it.

In other cases, such as a double-decked steamer, men of phone dagoh will insist on travelling on the upper deck instead of the lower deck. Why? Because the presence of women on the upper deck, if one is on the lower one, will lower one’s phone dagoh.

One of the ways of losing phone dagoh is through coming into contact with feminine garments. By affixing their mugshots on to intimate garments and other accoutrements we are utilizing their own beliefs against them and thus working to bring down their powers.

If they truly believe their phone dagoh power is responsible for bringing them up and that contact with feminine items will degrade them, then it is only right and reasonable that we will hasten their downfall by truly bringing them into contact with the very same.

ERGO,

If you want to see the downfall of the Burma Bo Jokes, please use these Practical Jokes and let them know about it via public demonstrations, media, writings, email, or mail.

MORE power to You and LESS power to them, the Burma Bo Jokes !!!